Had he seen me? I couldn’t tell. A brief, earlier encounter had stirred a vast fiend and I knew I was smitten. Tall and handsome, kind and quirky, he seemed larger than life. I wanted so badly to stroll over and talk to him at length, but I knew my intentions would be loudly detected! Dear Lord, please help me to wait for what you have for me. I desire to experience the full blessing of obedience and self-control. Yet, my heart felt out of control whenever I thought of him. This first year of college had seen a whole lot of changes and firsts for me. The need for an accountability partner was very apparent. My desire to be the Christian girl that God desired me to be was paramount. So, I called a “much more mature” friend, asked her to pray for me, and hold me accountable.
The next day I spied him again. But this time I could breathe without gasping for air. I knew the Lord was graciously giving me the peace and control I so badly needed. Later that day, we ended up in the cafeteria at the same time. He saw me going through the line and motioned for me to come over. As I balanced my tray, precariously, my heart thumped louder. I hoped he was not aware of my sweaty palms and racing heart. Lord, help me, I prayed. So many feelings whirled through my whole being. What did God want me to learn through this experience? How weak I was? Obviously I needed to grow in this area of self-control and keeping my mind pure. Think on these things, Philippians says. What things? I needed to rehearse that Bible verse I had learned as a child through Bible Memory Association. Why was I so weak? I could hear the Lord conveying to my soul the depth of wasted years by not allowing the Word to be the central theme of my life. I had NO strength when I truly was in need of it.
“Hi, how are you doing?” I asked. His reply was priceless: “Better now!” I knew my knees would go weak at any moment so I gestured to a friend already seated and said I had plans to eat with her. Boy, you are killing me! He politely smiled and said we would eat together another time. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength to – walk away – since I could not seem to stay cool. I knew what I needed to do. God’s Word would become my treasure, my focus. There was no other way. I began that night when I got back to my dorm room. Journaling and rehearsing Scripture that applied to areas of purity and self-control was my concentration. As well as, prayer to God the Father to show me other areas in my life that I had neglected since I was a child. I wanted to be sensitive to His voice. He answered and met me right where I was, not condemning me for lost time but happy for the rallying point that had awakened me!
A week went by and the phone rang! “Hello,” I said. The voice on the other end was his! “Are you free for an outing this afternoon?” “Well, what did you have in mind?” He preceded to give me a plan for the afternoon and evening, “I thought we could go to the zoo and then get some pizza. What do you think?” That sounded heavenly to me, but I had to keep my cool. Dear Lord, help me keep my focus on you! With a bit of reservation, I agreed to the outing and hurriedly changed clothes more suitable for a walk outdoors. The knock at my dorm room door brought me back to reality and the need to set the tone before we ventured out together. As I gathered my belongings and opened the door, I asked if he would mind praying for our adventure to be pleasing to the Lord. He most heartily agreed and preceded to pray with a sincere humility that produced within me an even greater respect for him.